Friday, February 12, 2010


I'm currently reading The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons, courtesy of the Library of Cordes. So far I'm on page 354 (out of a whopping 697), and I am enjoying it far more than I thought I ever could enjoy a book that is solely about the NBA, it's history, and it's greatest players of all time.

Mostly because Bill Simmons is hilarious. And he has SO MANY FOOTNOTES! So far, my favorite one was on page 258 when he was trying to explain why Utah suddenly became a "juggernaut in the West" in 1997. Here it is:

I'm springing one of my favorite theories here: the Tipping Point Friend. Every group of female college friends goes between eight and twelve girls deep. Within that group, there might be three or four little cliques and the backstabbing is through the roof, but the girls get along for the most part and make a big deal about hanging out, doing dinners, having special weekends and everything else. Maybe two of them get married early, then the other ones start dropping in their mid-20s until there's only five left—the cute blonde who can't get a boyfriend because she's either a drunk, an anorexic, or a drunkorexic; the cute brunette who only attracts assholes; the 185-pounder who'd be cute if she lost weight; the not-so-cute one with a great sense of humor; and the sarcastic chain-smoker with 36DDs who isn't quite cute enough to land anyone but hooks up a lot because of the 36DDs. In this scenario, the cute brunette is the Tipping Point Friend—as long as she's in the group, guys will approach them in bars, clubs or wherever. Once she settles down with a non-asshole, now all the pressure is on the drunkorexic and if she can't handle it, then the girl with the 36DDs has to start wearing crazy shirts and blouses to show off her guns. My point is this: the Jazz were the sarcastic chainsmoker with 36DDs who hooked up often but never found a serious suitor. By 1997, their competitors had dropped out and they were suddenly the hottest friend in their group. Does that mean they were hot? No!!! No!!!!!!! For the love of God, no!!!!!!