Sunday, June 28, 2009

The week of the spot start

This week I used a managing technique for my fantasy baseball team that can either turn out to work really well, or make your team lose by a lot, depending on a little bit of skill and a lot of guesswork. Every day, I picked up a pitcher off the waiver wire that was going to be a starting pitcher that night. It’s called a “spot start” (or at least I call it that). Now, this tactic is sometimes used by people if they think a certain pitcher has a good matchup on a particular day, but it can also prove very detrimental if you choose wrong.

In order to keep things fresh, and give my team, Reyes the Roof, a shot at beating the mighty team Suckada’s Glock (who has been on a 6 game winning tear), I pledged to pick up a starting free-agent pitcher every day this week, no matter how good or bad a tactic it proved to be.

Let’s see how it worked out for me, day by day…

Key (this is for you, mom) :
IP = innings pitched
H = hits
ER = earned runs
BB = walks
K = strikeouts
W = win
L = loss

Trevor Cahill, Oakland Athletics
7 IP, 4 H, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W
Points: 24

Joel Pineiro, St. Louis Cardinals
9 IP, 2 H, 1 BB, 1 K – Complete Game Shut Out!
Points: 36

Josh Geer, San Diego Padres
6 IP, 8 H, 3 ER, 3 BB, 3 K
Points: 0

Andy Pettitte, New York Yankees
3.2 IP, 7 H, 3 ER, 3 BB, 4 K
Points: -1.7

Ricky Romero, Toronto Blue Jays
7 IP, 2 H, 0 ER, 1 BB, 7K, W
Points: 35

Homer Bailey, Cincinnati Reds
5 IP, 3 H, 3 ER, 7 BB, 2 K, W
Points: 8

Brian Tallet, Toronto Blue Jays
6 IP, 8 H, 4 ER, 6 BB, 6 K, L
Points: -3

As you can see, some of these spot starts worked out better than others, but none of the guys I picked really got killed and lost me that many points. So what’s the verdict? How did the week of spot starts turn out? Well, let’s do some 3rd grade math and find out.

If you add up how many points I got in total from my spot starters, it equals 98.3 points.

The final score of my matchup this week was 417.3 - 353.3, with Reyes the Roof coming out on top!

Since I only won by 64 points, without my spot starts I would have lost.

Therefore, the week of the spot start was a big success!
(sorry Gallen)

Friday, June 26, 2009

MJ remembered

I guess it would be a big cultural miss if I fail to mention the death of Michael Jackson. But I don’t really know what to say about it. He was a great musician and it was pretty shocking and sad news, but I don’t really have much insight into it I guess. And I feel bad joking about it.

But while everyone still has a Facebook status up that read “wearing my one sequin glove ☹”, I think this is a good time to maybe remember how we used to talk about MJ while he was still alive. Jokingly.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K Mart?
He heard boys pants were half off!

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
Because there are twenty of them.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

I know I kid, but despite the jokes it’s still very sad. We have lost a music legend. I hope his soul keeps Moonwalkin’ to Billie Jean forever.


Thursday, June 25, 2009

Shaq going to the Cavs

So Shaq got traded to Cleveland to play with Lebron - crazy news. They will be working together to try and elevate the game of the Cavs so maybe they can make it to the finals next year. Lebron really needed big man support, let's see if ol'Shaqman's got it in him.

In honor of this occasion, I used a website to see what it would look like if Shaq and Lebron had a baby together, lashaq:

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Perez Hilton Gets Punched.

I am sure if you are familiar with both the Internet and pop culture that you’ve heard of Perez Hilton. He runs his own Hollywood gossip blog and holds very opinioned views about various celebrities, which he usually voices by taking photos of certain celebs and using Microsoft Paint to draw things such as penises and offensive words over their faces.

Though I am not an avid reader of the blog, I am familiar enough to know that Perez never really explains why he hates whichever celebrities he is attacking. Except once when Jessica Alba made some comment about not being Latino or something. That really set him off. But besides that, I haven’t seen him mention why he hates whoever he is drawing a penis on.

But the other day, Perez got his due. He was PUNCHED big time. By the manager of the Black Eyed Peas. You shouldn’t mess with them, or they’ll BOOM BOOM POW you big time, Perez.

Judging from news reports, apparently Perez was at a Toronto club and got into an argument with Fergie and when they told him not to write about them in his blog. Then Hilton left the bar, only to be PUNCHED IN THE FACE from behind.

What really makes this story for me is the fact that in response to the situation, Perez thought to do the only reasonable thing at the time – post a tweet about it on Twitter –

"I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke."

If only by posting a request to Twitter it magically happened. Then a police report would have been filed right then. But since all you can do on Twitter is tell the world what you’re doing RIGHT NOW, all that happened was everyone knew Perez got punched.

Now that’s pretty embarrassing…

Monday, June 15, 2009

from Natascha Rosenberg

Thursday, June 11, 2009

milk package design from

Milk is delicious.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

a lack of focus

When I first started this blog, it was for the purposes of school, so each post was about marketing or advertising and I got a decent grade or whatever. Now when I write, it’s not for school! I can talk about anything I want to! But alas, my blog now seems to have a lack of focus.

Does that make it unreadable? I mean, when you look at successful blogs, they all seem to have a clear focus to them. Whether it be posting awkward family photos, dishing dirt on celebs, or pointing out the lame-o’s on Facebook, most blogs with a large following keep it simple and stick to their regular material. I mean, there are sports blogs, mommy blogs, and blogs about New Jersey.

So where do I fit in? What the heck should my focus be? I don’t want to limit myself, but I think maybe it’s time to figure out an identity for this here blog. So here are some ideas of what my blog could focus on:

1. Misheard Song Lyrics
A blog devoted to song lyrics that people usually don’t hear correctly—like when the Pussycat Dolls song “When I Grow Up” where they supposedly said, “I wanna have boobies.” I think that’s the wrong lyric. I may be wrong though…
Potential for this blog to succeed: SLIM TO NONE

2. Funny Looking Animals
A blog devoted to animals looking silly! I mean there are tons of these out there, like this:

or this:

But alas, I think other blogs already focus on stuff like this. Or at least put speech bubbles coming out of the animals’ mouths. Guess this idea’s played out… what a shame.
Potential for this blog to succeed: MILD POTENTIAL

3. Wayne’s World
What a great movie, I could really blog about it for a long, long time. Whether it be a random quote, video clip, or analysis of the extremely complicated and timeless script, there is a lot to be said about Wayne’s World. I mean we could even get into Wayne’s World 2 stuff. And the Naked Indian? Genius. I could even reach deep into my film archives and pull footage from my dad’s Wayne’s World party. Complete with extreme closeups.
Potential for this blog to succeed: IN CERTAIN CIRCLES, HUGE POTENTIAL.

4. Pop Culture Haiku
Self explanatory I guess. Pros: would make every post really easy and quick to read. Cons: would severely limit content posted to blog.

Jon and Kate Plus Eight
I hate you and your dumb show
but I like your kids.

Miss California
you really done it now, bitch.
lost your crown for reals.

Kendra is preggers.
I wonder what Hugh Hef thinks?
He is really old.

Potential for this blog to succeed: SLIM TO NONE.

Screw it, my blog lacks a focus and I like it. I seem to remember a television show about nothing, and it was quite successful.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

funny looking animal of the week!

Friday, June 05, 2009

formal apologies made easy.

Monday, June 01, 2009

heard it babysitting

circa 9pm...

me: try to close your eyes.

val: but I can't close my eyes yet, I haven't decided what I want to dream about yet.

10 seconds pass

val: okay I got it.


Things I am tired of hearing about…

Okay pop culture, we know that sometimes you take certain people or events and just go nuts with it, but sometimes you take things a little too far, even for me. And I’m not the type that hates American Idol and all it’s hysteria; I even read Entertainment Weekly to keep up on all the news, and sometimes pick up an In Touch as well. But I’ve found that lately I’m really starting to get tired of hearing about a few topics…

1. Jon and Kate Plus Eight + Marital Woes

Whatever.Who cares? Did he cheat? Who knows. Is she a verbally abusive wife? Maybe. Have I ever seen their dumb show? Not a chance. And I’m sick of having to see the two of them and their motley crew every time I open a magazine. In fact, I’m sick of people with 8 children in general (that means you, Octomom). Why are you forcing your children to not only suffer with your miserable personalities and marital woes but also do it on national television? And why is everyone so fascinated by it? I’m so sick of hearing about what a bitch she is, how he is cheating on her, and what the future will be for their dumb show. I wish their show was like Idol so we could vote them off. Peace.

2. Brad and Angelina gossip
Again, who cares? Apparently Brad has made “SECRET TELEPHONE CALLS TO JEN,” is “WEARING HER PRESENT – A NECKLACE,” and “IS SICK OF TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS WHILE ANGELINA’S ON A MOVIE SET.” Honestly, I doubt the majority of these dumb stories are true. Like the time one of the sleazy mags showed a photo of Brad carrying Maddox with the caption, “Brad looks really tired hanging out with the kids all day.” Guess what sleazy magazines? People get tired. Especially when you have a bunch of kids. And you’re a movie star. And everywhere you go you have to dodge weird people with cameras taking photos of you looking tired with your kids. Peace.

3. Miley Cyrus
Girl just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it’s just because I’m tired of hearing about her all the time. She really hasn’t done anything that warrants being followed so closely by the media…I mean sure, Hannah Montana was big, and then she went all teen risqué photo-sharing on us for a while, but now what’s up? Nothing really. She’s got some country song “Climbin’” the charts, but I don’t think we need to talk about her as much as we do. Honestly, just give me some more Jonas Zac Ephron Robert Pattinson beer instead. Peace.

4. Project Runway’s Legal Woes
Networks fought over the show. Whatever I don’t want to hear more about it. It’s bad enough that you’ve been keeping this great show from me because of a stupid legal battle, now don’t make me read about said battle in thoughtless magazines like Entertainment Weekly. Just show me pretty dresses and crazy designers. And Tim Gunn. Lots of Tim Gunn. Make it work. Peace.