the curious case of Dolores the bear.

In high school we had a lunch lady named Dolores who was really old and wrinkly, so we referred to her as E.T. The funny thing was that she actually did resemble E.T. Now I’ve found something that gives me reason to believe that all Doloreses are wrinkly. And it all has to do with a bear named Dolores.

Why they named her Dolores, we’ll never know. Maybe it’s because deep down someone knew she would contract a weird condition that made her lose her hair and expose her wrinkly skin. Maybe they just like the sound of it. Either way, look what happened to this usually furry bespectacled bear…



Poor Dolores lost her fur! And it’s not just her — all the female bears at the zoo have developed this condition and lost their hair. They’ve been having a horrible time keeping the male bears off of them, and many watchdog groups are horrified at the slutty behavior of these females. One prominent watchdog official commented on their flooziness, “The amount of skin these ladies are showing is insulting to women everywhere, and setting a horrible example for our children.” A representative for Dolores refused to comment.

Will Dolores’ fur ever grow back? Will her children be afflicted with the same lack of hair? Would Rogain be a viable option?

Only time will tell.