Big movies coming out that I am not excited about

There are a lot of HUGE SUMMER BLOCKBUSTERS coming out soon. And I’m not really excited about any of them. Why? I don’t like Star Trek, I am not a boy, and I don’t love action movies. Why was Sex in the City so successful last year? People like me. Someone looking for a summer movie to watch where nothing explodes and there are no car chases. I mean, I’m not a total loser. I do like some action in my movies, but it’s not what keeps me up at night excited to go to a show.

If you haven’t already realized by reading previous posts, I have the mind of a 75 year old. I hate loud noises, crowds, being cold, waiting in rain delays at baseball games, waiting in line for water slides, and going down the water slides once I get to the front of the line. I enjoy silly looking animals, gambling, romantic comedies, golfing and drinking. Move me to a retirement community in Florida and I’ll be happy.

Okay now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about summer movies!

BIG ACTION MOVIES that I don’t want to see this summer:

Star Trek
To everyone who is excited about this movie—trekkies, non-trekkies, whoever you are, I’m sorry. I just don’t really care about it. I’m glad that you are all excited. And that this movie is getting great reviews, I’m sure it is a good movie and would be alright if I actually sat down and watched it. But, it’s just not making me want to run to the movie theatre on opening day (although some people I know are quite excited – Looby shout-out). I never watched the show, never really wanted to, never have seen Star Wars either (okay I’m ready for the ridicule), and although JJ Abrams does good work, just not crazy about seeing this one.
Things in this movie the old woman in me is weary of: Outer Space, Explosions, the Unknown




Terminator Salvation
The only thing about this movie I was interested in (Bale’s crazy yell-fest at a Production guy) I’ve already experienced FOR FREE just by listening online. I’ll save my money here and spend it on an early bird dinner!
Things in this movie the old woman in me is weary of: Robots, Mean people, Explosions




X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Nope, never saw the other X-men movies. I did used to like Wolverine when my brother followed X-men when we were little. But do I want to know his mutant backstory? No thanks, I’ll pass. He needs to cut his fingernails. It’s not hygienic.
Things in this movie the old woman in me is weary of: Mean People, Fighting, Explosions




Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Yep, same rings true here—never saw the first one. And I am not a boy. I think that pretty much rules out me seeing this one. Ladies who like Transformers, I’m not dissing y’all. You’re just not the primary market of this flick. But if you enjoy the bots, and the Fox, all the more power to ya. I hope Edibus Prime or whatever his name is lays down some more great quotes in this sequel.
Things in this movie the old woman in me is weary of: Robots, Explosions, Mean robots




G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra
Again, I am not a boy. I did not grow up playing with G.I. Joes, although I did enjoy the cartoon shorts where G.I. Joe’s taught me things I didn’t know. Like not to talk to strangers. And I still don’t. That’s about all the use I had for G.I. Joe. And that’s half the battle.
Things in this movie the old woman in me is weary of: Fighting, Mean People, Explosions




What I’d rather see this summer:
Julie and Julia – Meryl Streep and Amy Adams together again after their great DOUBT performances, only this time they are telling the story of the wonderful cook, Julia Childs! It is going to be a marvelous time!

Up – An animated feature about an old man being carried away by balloons – hmm…an old man? Balloons? Sounds right up my alley.

The Boat that Rocked – Phillip Seymour Hoffman stars in this “period comedy about an illegal radio station in the North Seas in the 1960’s.” Sounds like it has potential to me. And this is the answer to why he wore that skull cap during awards season—his hair was long and silly looking for this film.

Away We Go – I think this is the movie I’m most excited about this summer. It’s got John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph as a traveling couple who are expecting their first child. Directed by Sam Mendes, the preview looks amazing. Check it.


Bruno – Where do you go after Borat? Bruno. Sascha Baron Cohen is back with a different hilarious character, only this time he’s a homosexual fashionista. If the preview is a good indication, this movie will be full of just as much mayhem as Borat, if not more. And how did Bruno really get into boot camp? Seriously.

Funny People – Judd Apatow’s latest, but this one seems to be a little more serious. But still funny. Starring Adam Sandler as a terminally ill stand up comedian who suddenly becomes un-terminally ill, this one looks like it’s going to be great. Great support cast of Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill and the always funny Leslie Mann.

500 Days of Summer – Romantic comedy woooo! With the kid formerly known as the kid from Third Rock from the Sun (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Zooey Deschanel. Don’t know much else except that I wanna see it!

Action movies that I AM interested in seeing (weird, I know):
Inglorious Basterds – Tarantino’s new one starring Brad Pitt. He plays Lt. Aldo Raine who rounds up a crew of Jewish-American soldiers to kill some Nazis in France during WWII. I think it’s going to be absolutely insane. I don’t know if I’ll like it, but let’s give it a shot. (Interesting note – all the Jewish American soldiers in this movie are played by Jewish American actors)

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – It’s Harry Potter! Come on, I shouldn’t have to explain this. If nothing else, just because Hoover will shame me if I don’t.

Land of the Lost – I don’t recall watching this show as a child, and I’m not super excited by the movie, but I guess I’ll check it out. Will Ferrell is in it and he’s usually a good time. I’m a bit weary about the Dinosaurs and the Unknown though… might be a game time decision.

Public Enemies – Johnny Depp and Christian Bale in a flick about American gangster John Dillinger being stalked by the feds in the 1930s. Should be pretty awesome.

Chick Flicks I am embarrassed to say I will probably see this summer:
Ghost of Girlfriends Past – my boy Matteo. Hope the shirt comes off.

The Proposal – Sandra Bullock/Ryan Reynolds. I’m skeptical, but a sucker for those rom-coms.

The Ugly Truth – Katherine Heigl, but more importantly, Gerard Butler. Looks stupid, just the way I like my movies! I bet they end up together in the end. Gosh I’m a good predictor…

The most ridiculous movie coming out this summer:
Final Destination: Death Trip 3D – No explanation needed.

Welp, I guess that’s it about it for my summer movie round-up! If you like explosions, mean people or robots, keep your eyes peeled for all these actions flicks coming out. But if you’re like me, may as well wait for a nice double rom-com feature at the drive-in, grab your man (who will rather be watching Transformers), and watch the love unfold.

BONUS MOVIE: Obsessed, starring Beyonce. I gotta watch that one soon. She’s my girl.