And the winner is…

I am very sorry it has taken so long to tally the votes…the child laborers I hired did not work out. They were working such long hours that I figured things were coming along smoothly, but when I finally decided to check on their work, they had woven multiple baskets. But no vote-tallies. So I sat down and did it myself and without further ado…

Here is the moment that you’ve all been waiting for (or just the announcement of what you all already know if you’ve read through the comments)…

The winners of the Old School TV Awards!!!!

Best Actor in a Supporting Role

This category was one that was easily determined in the popular vote, giving Sean Hunter the prestigious Best Supporting Actor Statue. No one really said much about their pick in this category either, as the mere vote could stand for itself without any pomp and circumstance. As one voter so clairvoyantly put it, “Hunter in a landslide.”

Best Actress in a Supporting Role

This was a really tight race between Topanga and Kimmy Gibbler. But as one voter put it succinctly, when it came down to edging out the competition by just one vote, the winner was “Kimmy Gibbler—hands down.” Sure, she was obnoxious at times, but she managed to be more endearing to our voters than Topanga, based mostly on two factors I like to call “Topanga’s Double-Downfall. Hair and weight.

Sure, one voter had a “huge crush on her huge boobs,” while another commented on her “great hair,” but she let others down by being “plain old unattractive in the entire middle half of BMV,” and when “she got fat.”

This is where good old neighborhood weirdo Kimmy Gibbler stepped in for the win, mostly because, as one voter put it, “she was always there for a laugh.”

Best Actor

The nominations for best actor were obviously lacking, and if the nomination team (me) did a better job of thinking things through before I listed these nom’s, I think we’d have a clear-cut winner (Will from Fresh Prince). But alas, I messed up, so it turned into a close match up between Zack Morris, freezer of time, and Urkel, suspender-donning extraordinaire.

And when it came down to the wire, apparently being able to freeze time gave Zack the edge over Urkel’s ability to morph into Stefan, the smooth talking hottie who had all sorts of bitches (Laura and Myra) fighting for his love. But, as one voter mentioned, “nailin’ Kelly Kapowski? Get out of here, no one can live up to that.” And it’s true; no one did live up to that. And so Zack has won Best Actor.

Best Actress

Alex Mack took the cake here, for her ability to appeal to voters of both sexes—girls appreciated her ability to play a pile of glowing toxic muck, while the men appreciated her fine young tail. One voter even went so far as to say if he could have “opened a spank-bank account in those days, she would have been my first deposit.” Very eloquently put, Dan.

I guess that pretty much sums it up for her. Congrats, Alex.

Best Villian

A tie! A tie! Two very different villains. One male. One female. One’s a real jerk. One’s a real bitch. One’s a person. One’s a cartoon. Roger Klotz and Libby Chessler came away with the award for best Villian(s)… even though one voter suggested that Roger was not even close to evil enough. That’s what everyone said about that white lions that attacked Roy of Siegfried and Roy. Never underestimate the evil within.

Best Voice of Reason


A unanimous decision, and the right one in my book…Mr. Feeny (excuse my previous misspellings) came away with the win in this category easily. He was so far ahead in the race, he had time to stop and give life lessons to Corey, Sean, Topanga, Eric and The Matthews Parents INDIVIDUALLY and still beat the others to the finish. One reader stated “a vote against Feeny here might as well be a vote for communism.” And nobody likes China. They cheat in gymnastics. Good votes, readers. Good voice of reason, Feeny.

Best Cartoon


Doug. Just look at him… How could he not win?

Best show on SNICK

Alex Mack was squeezed out of another trophy by scary favorite “Are You Afraid of the Dark.” I would usually watch up until they threw the sand in the fire and said the name of the story. Then I’d pee my pants and run away to my room. And change my pants.

Best show on TGIF
Boy Meets World, baby. This show had a lot of nominations and is having a very strong showing here in the results…just a great show.

Best Nick Daytime Show

Hey Dude came away with the trophy here, beating out The Adventures of Pete & Pete by a mere 2 votes. People really liked the idea of the show though, as one voter said, “my grandparents once went to a dude ranch when I was younger. I was so disappointed when it wasn’t the same one.” This voter also believed it when her dad told her if you cut a 1 inch hole in an airplane when you are inside the airplane, your entire body will be sucked out of the aircraft. What a sucker.

Best Game Show

Legends of the Hidden Temple—everyone really loved that giant talking stone head, the color/animal team name generator, and the temple guards that were far too scary for the young children running through the maze to have to deal with. Every time a Temple guard jumped out when I was watching, I would have a heart attack. I had high blood pressure as a child.

Best Theme Song
A tie! A tie! Reading Rainbow and Family Matters – both great themes… The Reading Rainbow theme “to this day spends a good percentage of the day stuck in my head,” one voter truly stated, while another said of the Family Matters theme that he “learned more about life during that theme song than I did during 16 years of formal schooling.”

So true.

And that about wraps it up! Thanks for your votes, thanks for your complaints, and thanks for reading!

This has been the first edition of Old School TV awards. Check back soon for more pointless awards, countdowns and rants.

Until next time – enjoy