d bags of the week

It's Monday morning! Let's take a moment to reflect on the biggest d-bags of the last week.

5. John Mayer
Coming in at number five is the sweet crooner himself, Mr. John Mayer. I know it's true that his offensive comments actually were published several weeks ago, but I got to see the man firsthand this week. And I think when someone tries to apologize for something by saying only, "I never meant to sound like an asshole," it's not so solid of an apology. I mean, I know the man can't keep saying sorry and crying (fem) night after night, if he's going to mention his d bag comments, he could at least sound sincere about it. Besides that, he kept saying things like "I'm sure you all had a bad day, or week, over the past months, but you kept looking at your calendar and saying, 'I'm going to a Mayer concert. It'll all be okay.'" Hmm... this seemed a bit arrogant to me. But the crowd still went wild. I guess it's hard to stop being a d-bag when people reward you for it. And that's why he's made the list!

4. Shani Davis

Give it up for this patriot. He is a speed skater on team USA, only he doesn't act like it. After Davis refused to skate in the speed skating relay at the Olympics 4 years ago, in order to "focus on individual races," fellow US skater Chad Hedrick rightfully criticized Davis. This made Shani upset, so he shunned team USA and chose to train alone and compete as a separate entity of team USA. Way to embrace the spirit of the Olympics, d bag. Nuff said.

3. Tilikum

This orca really puts the killer in killer whale, killing his trainer this past week at Seaworld. And it seems he is a repeat offender. Tili was responsible for the 1999 death of a crazy who snuck into Seawold at night and ended up dead in Tilikum's tank, and also is one of 3 whale suspects that murdered a marine biology student who accidently fell into their tank in 1991. Honestly, Tilikum isn't really a d bag for what he's done, after all he is a wild animal that we've decided to hold captive. When we wave live bait in front of his face, the guy's gonna take some action. Weird ironic note to this story: Tourists eating poolside at a daily event called "Dining With Shamu" watched the whale essentially eat his trainer.
Read more here.

2. Sidney Crosby
Ughhh. You see that gold medal hockey game yesterday? I sure did. And sure, Canada was supposed to win and US was the underdog, but it sure was a big letdown when we lost. Especially after we tied it WITH 24 SECONDS LEFT IN THE 3RD PERIOD AHHHHHHHHHHH USA USA USA USA USA. But as the OT period started, Canada looked dominant, and just as one of my friends uttered the words "Please let anyone score except Sidney Crosby," it happened. Then we all collectively threw up out of disgust as the announcers talked about what a hero Crosby is. He seems more like a d bag to me. And that's why he's coming in at number 2 on the d bag of the week list.

1. Josh from the Real World

Did anyone see the Real World-DC this week? I did. And watching it made me sick to my stomach. Usually I can watch a lot of really crazy shit go down in these reality shows and surprisingly not be that affected by what's happening. But in this case, I was upset after viewing the show. And so was Hoover. And mostly because of this guy's conduct. The dude has a girlfriend, who has visited the house before, yet he keeps making out with girls, hooking up with girls, bringing them back to the house and lying to his girlfriend about it. We get to watch this all unfold. And it's disgusting. In this particular episode, Josh brings a girl home and is in bed with her (2 days before his girlfriend is coming to visit), when his girlfriend calls on the phone. A roommate comes and tells him he has a phone call. He says to the girl next to him in bed "Be right back," then goes upstairs to take the call. He tells her he was just passed out, she asks if he was "good" that night, he says yes. She talks about how she's so excited to see him, he agrees. They hang up, he goes back to the biddy in his room. Girlfriend comes to visit, Josh's roommates are put into a weird position of pretending like Josh isn't a huge scumbag that cheats on her. Then, two days after his girlfriend leaves, he is out and brings a girl home and decides he wants to have sex with her. So he does the most logical thing he can think of - calls his girlfriend and breaks up with her. Hangs up on her as she cries, leaves the phone off the hook so she can't call back, then bangs the girl he's brought home. That's basically the play-by-play. And it didn't sit well with me. Or Hoover. And when you make Hoover upset, you KNOW you're a d bag. End of story.

Honorable mention - the other men of the Real World-DC. This week's episode was just a gross collection of these guys being d bags. Headed up by Josh, but then brought home by Ty drunkenly following Emily around harassing her before causing horrible bodily harm to Andrew, who showed a little d baggery earlier in the show when talking about taking a girl out to dinner because he wanted to have sex with her again. Then adding, why else would you take a girl out to dinner?

Congratulations to all the d bags that made the cut. Tune in next week for five more.