jersey shore on mtv

I don’t really think there’s a need to blog about this, most people have already heard of this new provocative series, or seen it already. But for those of you who haven’t, get on it. Now. Especially if you need a good laugh, enjoy watching fist pumps, or need to find reasons to feel better about yourself.

Jersey Shore is basically the same show as The Real World, but the house they live in is on the Jersey Shore. And instead of getting a wide variety of conflicting personalities to live together in this house, mtv has arranged for a slew of self-proclaimed “guidos” and “guidettes” to inhabit the beach house. Hilarity ensues.


Some standouts from the beginning included Mike “The Situation,” which is a nickname he’s given himself to reference his washboard abs. This seems to just be a reason for him to lift his shirt up and display said abs (and armani exchange boxers) anytime he meets anyone. Oh Situation…


Another awesome cast member is “Snooki,” which is a weird nickname to begin with, but since she got fall-down drunk the first evening upon arriving at the house, no one respects her and they call her many a variation of her nickname without really saying it, such as “Schnookums” or “Schnickers.” And when the people in this house don’t respect you, that’s saying something. But can you blame her for being upset? She’s used to being “the center of attention,” after all she is the "Princess of Poughkeepsie." Oh schnooks…


Then there’s Vinny, who couldn’t go work his grueling shift at the tee-shirt store because he had pink eye, but made a miraculous recovery just in time to go out that night. Oh Vin…

I could go on and on because all these characters um, I mean people, are really gems. But I’m not going to right now. I just will strongly urge you to watch this show. Maybe I’ll do a live blog during a future episode, but I don’t know if I could keep up with all the amazing things that happen.

Jersey Shore. Thursdays @ 10 on mtv.

how i met your mother / frosty mashup

are you ready for some football?

Zoobaz and Uggs were good luck on Sunday vs. the Dolphins.

Hopefully whatever I wear tonight will work just as well!

Bills v Jets tonight. 8:30.

GO BILLS!

funny looking animal of the week!

funny looking animal of the week!

Relax chicken! We won't kill you until after we're done eating our turkey :)

via cuteoverload

2 day work week!

yipee!

(via ffffound)

funny looking animal of the week!

boots update

Been scouring the Internets looking for the gap model boots. And I found a pair that look similar:


Unfortunately, they are $450! Oh well, I will just have to settle on a different pair of boots this year. Don't worry America, I found some good ones while I was looking for these puppies. Boots will be had.

a quest for boots

I was shopping on gap.com the other day and came across some boots on a model that I really liked. They are on the header of the women's outerwear page. Here is a screenshot:


As you can see, she is wearing awesome boots:


But alas, as I looked through the shoes available for sale at the Gap, and then Piperlime, and Banana Republic, these boots were nowhere in sight. Desperately, I emailed the gap looking for answers. This is what I heard back:

Dear Marci,

Thanks so much for your email. We’re very pleased that you're shopping with us and want to make sure you find the perfect merchandise for your needs. Regrettably, we don't have any information concerning the shoes in question. These shoes are either props provided by our advertising company, or are those worn by our models to the production. We apologize for any disappointment this may cause.

We hope this information is helpful and we look forward to shopping with you soon.

This is not the answer I was hoping for. Not only did the gap tease me by showing me boots on their model that I cannot obtain from them, they are not very helpful in helping me find said boots.

So I have set out on a quest to find these boots. I have some of the greatest fashion minds of our times on this case, and hopefully with all my troops we will be victorious in finding these boots.

If you have any information regarding where I can find these boots, or answers, please let me know in the comments area. We can find these boots...together.

the curious case of Dolores the bear.

In high school we had a lunch lady named Dolores who was really old and wrinkly, so we referred to her as E.T. The funny thing was that she actually did resemble E.T. Now I’ve found something that gives me reason to believe that all Doloreses are wrinkly. And it all has to do with a bear named Dolores.

Why they named her Dolores, we’ll never know. Maybe it’s because deep down someone knew she would contract a weird condition that made her lose her hair and expose her wrinkly skin. Maybe they just like the sound of it. Either way, look what happened to this usually furry bespectacled bear…



Poor Dolores lost her fur! And it’s not just her — all the female bears at the zoo have developed this condition and lost their hair. They’ve been having a horrible time keeping the male bears off of them, and many watchdog groups are horrified at the slutty behavior of these females. One prominent watchdog official commented on their flooziness, “The amount of skin these ladies are showing is insulting to women everywhere, and setting a horrible example for our children.” A representative for Dolores refused to comment.

Will Dolores’ fur ever grow back? Will her children be afflicted with the same lack of hair? Would Rogain be a viable option?

Only time will tell.

funny looking animal of the week!

salon guy

I was leaving work with my friend Andrea yesterday when we were approached by a man who asked us how much we usually pay to get our hair cut. The following conversation went something like this:

Andrea: Um...usually around $100.

Man: After tip and everything? (looks at me) How about you?

Me: Sixteen dollars.

Man: Sixty?

Me: No. Sixteen.

Man: Where do you go?

Me: Supercuts.

(Man looks upset)

Man: You can't go there, you're too hot for Supercuts!

The man then tries to sell us this salon/spa package for $60 each. Needless to say, we declined.

cool looking animal of the week!

From Jill Greenberg's new photography book, Bear Portraits. She takes some really great shots with great lighting, and has captured the likes of crying toddlers and monkeys. Watch the video below to learn more about Jill and her work, via coolhunting.

new view

the wonderful sites you can see from my new cube.

office move.

last day that this will be the view from my desk

funny looking animal of the week!

Halloween Edition!

gettin' friendly @ friendlys

Free Happy Ending for customers 60 and over?

Now that's good service.

a question not to be tolerated

Reporter: What do you say to parents who think the Wild Things film may be too scary?

Sendak: I would tell them to go to hell. That's a question I will not tolerate.

Reporter: Because kids can handle it?

Sendak: If they can't handle it, go home. Or wet your pants. Do whatever you like. But it's not a question that can be answered.

Sendak: This concentration on kids being scared, as though we as adults can't be scared. Of course we're scared. I'm scared of watching a TV show about vampires. I can't fall asleep. It never stops. We're grown-ups; we know better, but we're afraid.

Reporter: Why is that important in art?

Sendak: Because it's truth. You don't want to do something that's all terrifying. I saw the most horrendous movies that were unfit for child's eyes. So what? I managed to survive.

from an interview in Newsweek with Maurice Sendak, author of Where The Wild Things Are, about the movie.

Gearing up for a JC Hallow’s Eve

Hoover and I were talking about Halloween the last week, and we had the idea that she should dress up like a scarecrow and sit on our porch, then come to life and scare the crap out of kids who are trick or treating. Then we realized that it’s probably not the best idea, seeing as the kid may shoot or shank her, especially when startled. See, living in Jersey City you become aware of a different sort of culture. I once saw a homeless man chasing a kid down the street throwing large rocks at him. Later, I saw the same homeless man being arrested as the kid looked on.

So is life in the dirty Jers. That’s why I’ve decided to come up with a list of the “Top 5 things you need to know for a Jersey City Halloween.” And without further ado…

5. That fake gun might be real.
Don’t think for one second the “toy gun” that seven year old is holding is not loaded. If you are off your guard for one moment, the kid can lock, load, and shoot that weapon faster than you can whip off your Kate Gosselin wig and try to dodge the attack. To combat use of weaponry, make sure you handily disarm any child you see who is holding a gun, sword or blow gun. And if you can’t see where their hands are, you should probably take them to the ground just in case.


4. The unwrapped piece of taffy with shards of glass coming out of it isn’t a new type of candy.
It would probably be a good idea NOT to eat it.

3. If you see a bunch of “doctors,” it’s probably just the cast of the new hit NBC show, Mercy…
Which is shot in Jersey City.


2. Be prepared for a large proportion of Princess Jasmine costumes.
Or Kelly Kapur from The Office.

1. If you see someone dressed as a homeless person, it’s most likely not a costume.
Nothing against the homeless people of JC, but they do exist in pretty large numbers. So if a “large child” dressed in rags shows up at your door smelling a little bit like a soiled diaper, it might not be someone in costume. In this case, promptly close the door to your house and if you’re feeling generous, slide a dollar bill outside.

funny looking animal of the week!

long island edition!
courtesy of rpalmes1

a brilliant idea

Kate Gosselin and Octomom should be each other for Halloween.

twitter facts

twitter why can't I stop hearing about you?

Miserable Marci’s Monday Rant – da bills

The Bills officially are the worst team in football this season. But no, you may say, what about the Rams, who haven't even won a game this season, or the Bucs, who the Bills actually managed to beat? It doesn't matter. The Bills are worse.

During halftime of the game, the sportscasters were doing the recaps of all the NFL games of the day, and when they got to the Bills/Browns game, they literally said, "What a miserable football game." And that was just the first half.

I don't even have the energy to bitch about them today. That's how bad it was. I mean, when you lose to the Cleveland Browns with a score of 6-3, that's saying something about how much you suck. When you have the ball in field goal range and it's 4th and 26 in the first half, maybe you should GO FOR THE FIELD GOAL. Even if it's windy. I think Lindell has a better chance of battling the winds then the Bills' offense has getting 26 yards in one play. Or 26 yards in one half.

Here are some other miserable tidbits from yesterday's game:

• Prior to yesterday's game, Cleveland was on a 10 game losing streak


• Buffalo has lost 12 of their last 15 games


• The Bills have lost their last two games to previously winless teams


• Buffalo had 9 false-starts in yesterday's game, in total they were flagged 13 times for 75 yards


• The Browns only had 2 completions in yesterday's game. And still beat us


• The Bills have only scored 20 points combined in their last 3 games


• Buffalo lost another defensive starter in yesterday's game, Kawika Mitchell, upping the running total of injured defensive starters to 5

I don't think I want to even watch any more games.


....go bills.

one week...

...until this

Freaky Friday....update

Today I walked by the red sweatsuit kid and he was wearing...

A SHIRT AND TIE!


What a day...

awesome looking animal of the week.

via national geographic.

lunch break

Miserable Marci’s Monday Rant – the kid in the red sweats.

As I walk to the PATH station every morning, sometimes I notice my surroundings despite my morning stupor. And one morning, as I walked down the street, I noticed this little Indian boy, probably like 7 years old, walking with his mother on what I'm assuming is the way to school. He was wearing a red long sleeved shirt. And red sweatpants. I thought to myself - will this kid get made fun of? He's wearing matching sweats to school. Then I put it out of my mind and continued on my day.

Imagine my growing concern as I continued to see this child on an almost daily basis, and he continued to wear red sweat pants and a red long sleeved shirt. The kid hasn't changed out of this outfit at all! How can his mother let him do that?! Is he just a figment of my imagination? Could that sweatsuit possibly be a weird school uniform?

What is going on! Needless to say, this poor defenseless boy's outfit really made me mad. Sure, he's seven years old, and yes, I probably wore worse things when I was little, but not the SAME SHITTY THING EVERY DAY!

The kid needs to be spoken to. Or donated other pieces of clothing, perhaps. I need to start a clothing line like TOMS shoes, where whenever I sell an item, the red sweatsuit kid gets a new article of clothing. But until then, ol'Red Sweats will be walking down the street to greet me every morning...

end rant.

cute kids and sports movies... a few of my favorite things

This four year old boy memorized the entire speech from the movie Miracle. I hope my kids are this awesome.

funny looking animal of the week!

i am absurdly proud to have been twitterpic'ed by someone I don't know.

Someone I've never met posted this picture of me, Mallory and Mayo to TwitPic. Apparently he goes to IC now, and found this in the college's photo database?

I do not really remember who took this photo or why...but I think the real question is, why isn't IC using this gem in all of their marketing collateral? I guess it's lacking the obligatory kid in a wheelchair and native american, but I'm pretty tan in this photo, I could pass.

fattest baby ever!

Almost 20 pounds of joy here people.


Like baby Colleen!

(thanks to Hoover for finding this)

women are unhappy.

Maureen Dowd's article in the NYTimes about the happiness of women around the world gives us ladies some big time Debbie Downer news:

“Women have lives that become increasingly empty,” Buckingham said. “They’re doing more and feeling less.”

Cue wah wahhhh sound effect.

Dowd talks about how as the gender gap closed, women were given more and shit to do and think about. For instance, Dowd says, "if they once judged themselves on looks, kids, hubbies, gardens and dinner parties, now they judge themselves on looks, kids, hubbies, gardens, dinner parties — and grad school, work, office deadlines and meshing a two-career marriage."

That's a lot to think about. And great news for all the women in the world.

But there is a solution, perhaps... The article mentions:

“Across the happiness data, the one thing in life that will make you less happy is having children,” said Betsey Stevenson, an assistant professor at Wharton who co-wrote a paper called “The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness.” “It’s true whether you’re wealthy or poor, if you have kids late or kids early. Yet I know very few people who would tell me they wish they hadn’t had kids or who would tell me they feel their kids were the destroyer of their happiness.”

Kids really do ruin your life. It's been proven by research.

....sorry Mom.

go get 'em olive oil

via ffffound

assist to the fans

What the Bucs coach had to say about Sunday's loss to the Bills:

“We got hurt with penalties on offense. This is a loud place and we knew that all week. The false starts hurt us and stopped a couple drives. The crowd noise was definitely a factor. Discipline was an issue and we need to clean it up.”

I helped the Bills win! Put me on your fantasy football team, stat.

"busy" g chat status

Today I conducted an unofficial study that asked the question:

On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the busiest), how busy are you?

The question was asked to a 3 person sample that had indicated on their g chat status that they were, in fact, "busy."

The mean answer was: 7.3 repeating.


Keep this in mind next time you chat someone who is busy, because in the words of g chat, "you may be interrupting."

funny looking animal of the week!

Miserable Marci’s Monday Rant – women and children first.

I went to the Buffalo Bills game yesterday, which was amazing. But one thing that WAS NOT amazing was getting into the stadium. Sure, there will always be a lot of people waiting to get into a large sporting event, but at the Bills stadium they make men and women separate to go into the stadium.

What year is this? I mean I can see that they don’t want a big lawsuit for a security man poppin’ a feel on some lady Bills fanatic, but honestly most of the people going in there are so drunk they wouldn’t know the difference. Instead, they have ONE WOMAN guard to search every single female entering through that specific gate.

This system is flawed for many reasons. The first being that if you are in a group with both men AND women (gasp!), you have to separate and lose each other through the crowd in order to get in the stadium. I for one found that irritating. After successfully making our way through the parking lot with our group intact, despite pausing constantly to yell praises of fans wearing jerseys that matched our own, or to be utterly confused about the guy in the Eagles shirt, we were forced to separate right before we made it to our destination.

Another reason the system is STUPID is the fact that they only have one woman guard at each gate. And like, five male guards. And since a lot of women actually go to Bills games, this means all the men get to enter the stadium rather quickly, while the women’s line goes back and back and back and CAT FIGHTS ensue as the ladies vie for position on line.

And Buffalo women are tough cookies. Putting a bunch of drunk Buffalo ladies into an essential bottleneck where they are constantly getting shoved into the person in front of them is just asking for a fight to break out. It’s like dangling meat in front of two pitbulls. Or letting Michael Vick dogsit.

It just doesn’t make sense. Ralph Wilson, I know when you were young girls weren’t even allowed to go to school and electricity wasn’t invented yet, but please change this security policy!

I mean, it probably wouldn’t bother Hasidic Jews so much, but since their numbers in Buffalo aren’t so high, maybe the Bills shouldn’t be so uptight about male guards checkin’ out the ladies.

End rant.

spoiler alert?

found this on craigslist:


Is someone in SATC2 having twins? My money's on Samantha. She would be the worst mom ever.

use two hands to double your pleasure and double your fun.

tolerance

Heard Kofi Annan speak at UB last night. His first speech was well thought and elegant, but spoke of broader overarching themes that although would be ideal, are hard for the average person to relate to and act upon.

Once the question and answer session began, Kofi was able to use more specific examples to make his points and teach his lessons.

Given the question: "What one thing can every average person do to help create peace in the world?"

Tolerance.

Tolerance, empathy and to be engaged in what's happening in the world.

funny looking animal of the week!

by Chris McVeigh

that horrible familiar feeling is back...

Just got home from watching the Bills lose. Again. As a Bills fan you kinda forget what it feels like every year, but then it happens again and it sucks. So frustrating.

You go into a game not expecting anything at all except a blowout, and think "well at least I'll drink a few beers have a slice of pizza and have some fun." Then the Bills decide to start playing like a team who knows how to score. Even the defense makes big plays. Then things start getting crazy. The Bills shout song rings in your ears, and you can't help but dance, throw high fives all around, and text your nay sayers with taunting words.

Then the clock ticks down. Just like always. And usually we're winning by less than a TD when we let the opposing team drive down and beat us at the end. But tonight, we let the Pats do even better than that.

We were winning by two possessions. And we let them come back and beat us. BY ONE POINT. THANKS TO A FUMBLE. On a kickoff where we just NEEDED TO TAKE A KNEE.

And even though my heart is being torn up inside of me, there is something important that everyone should remember:

The Bills were supposed to get blown out tonight. They should have lost by at least 20 points. And yet the Patriots, with MIGHTY Tom Brady, risen from the injury dead, had to claw their way back to beat us by just one little point. That's pretty embarrassing.

And as the ESPN announcers flip-flopped back and forth, first talking about how atrocious the Bills were, then talking about how much they liked the Bills once they started winning (fair weather fans indeed), I knew that no matter what the outcome... even if it ended as badly as it did tonight...even if i wish those arrogant Pats fans could have all gone home with the knowledge that they just lost to the Buffalo Billls... that this was an important game.

Because we only lost by one to the Pats. And we lost on a dumb, dumb play.

Imagine what happens next.

I think 3-13 haiku prediction guy should be feeling a little worried right now.

GO BILLS.

a little piece of business advice

bad bills forecast

Some guy on espn.com predicts the NFL season using haikus. At first I was kind of amused, until I read what he wrote for the Bills (who he predicted to finish last in their division):

Rebuilding for tenth
straight year. Are shovel-ready.
The Buffalo Bills.

What a horrible haiku.

He also predicted that the Bills would only win three games this season, going 3-13. Come on...even the Bills aren't that bad.

I've written a little haiku about this prediction:

You are wrong, you douche.
Nobody circles wagons
Like Buffalo Bills.

a LOST WORLD

Scientists in Papua New Guinea ventured into a remote volcanic crater and discovered a basically lost world, untouched by humans for 200,000 years. They found over 40 new species of animals, which is pretty incredible considering how small it feels the world is becoming. Maybe it's because I'm a nerd, but I got kind of excited when I read about this.

Cause when you're little and you learn about all the different animals of the world it's so fascinating, and now it seems like there's not a lot left to discover in the natural world.

But there was! The scientists found 14 new species of frogs, a new kind of bat and a GIANT RAT species! Word on the street is these rats are as big as cats. GROSS! They also apparently were not afraid of humans, which made the scientists believe this habitat really hasn't been touched by humans in the last 200,000 years.

Here are some photos of what they found (photos courtesy of The Guardian):


a fruit dove


the HUGE wooly rat!


common tube nosed bat


an endangered frog


Read the full article here.

funny looking animal of the week!

one of the biggest debates of all time

Did Dottie drop the ball on purpose?


I think so. Discuss, discuss...

Gmail server down - CRISIS

Yesterday for approximately one to two hours the gmail server was down. As a result, people could not sign on to check their mail or gchat. GASP.

The reaction to this was a little like when Michael Jackson died. I got a text message from my friend about it, an IM from my office mate, and someone actually walked up and asked me about it as well. People everywhere were freaking out. If gchat is down, how are you supposed to avoid doing work?

Thankfully, the server seemed to right itself after only about an hour of mild anxiety bordering on the verge of excruciating stress. We needed a gmail fix.

Yesterday we all learned a very important fact - gmail is like crack. And thank god it's back.

On an unrelated note: the apples from the organic Asian market taste so much better than the ones from Shop Rite.

badass looking animal of the week!

Is this polar bear eating the remains of a whale? Or some other giant creature? Either way, it's mouth is blood stained. That's pretty badass.

photo via National Geographic

it's possible to be polite and badass at the same time

71 year old Dawn Fraser, who is a four-time Olympic gold medalist for swimming, fought off a man who tried to rob her today. The best thing about it (besides the fact that she wasn't robbed), was what she had to say about the incident:

"He threatened my life and I got really annoyed about that and just grabbed him by the ear and the hair."

Cool as a cucumber.

heard it on a conference call

"The Internet connection's really spotty here."

- our client (an Internet service)

Funny looking animal of the week!

Allentown edition
(Mal's dog!)

the results are in!

Apparently if you Google search "dork nerd geek" the first link that appears is a test to let you know which one you are. I just wanted to know the difference between them, and now I know which I am!!!

I just took an online test to see if I was a Nerd, a Dork, or a Geek.

And it seems as if I am.... A NERD!

Here was my result: 52% Nerd, 26% Geek, 35% Dork. Making me a "Pure Nerd."

Take the test for yourself here.
(Don't worry you don't have to sign up for that dating site to get your result)

funny looking animal of the week!

funny signs from town hall protests

Via the Huffington Post.

Check them out here.

you know what he did?

twitter names. taken.

Today I got one step closer to signing up for Twitter. I JUST CAN'T STAY AWAY. But as I sat pondering what my username should be, I realized that if I typed something in, it would let me know if that name was available or not. This led me to become sidetracked, entering in absurd usernames and seeing if they were taken.

NOTE TO THE WORLD!
If you are thinking about joining Twitter, I apologize, because these usernames are already taken:

poop your pants
weiner
dbag
fishtacos
3some
cameltoe


These names, however, are available:

trolleater
dapeepee


Better hurry if you wanna get one of them, I hear they go fast.

hehe

workin' for the weekend...

Sheepwalking

Seth Godin talks about a behavior he calls "sheepwalking" on his blog and in his book "Tribes:"

"I define "sheepwalking" as the outcome of hiring people who have been raised to be obedient and giving them a braindead job and enough fear to keep them in line."

He talks about how people are made to act effectively as sheep, reporting to their jobs every day and just doing what is expected of them, staying completely within the boundaries already established in business. But what if these boundaries are really just limiting potential of employees, as well as the companies they work for?

But how can be combat the epidemic of sheepwalking? Godin has some ideas:

"Step one is to give the problem a name. Done. Step two is for anyone who sees themself in this mirror to realize that you can always stop. You can always claim the career you deserve merely by refusing to walk down the same path as everyone else just because everyone else is already doing it.

The biggest step, though, comes from anyone who teaches or hires. And that's to embrace non-sheep behavior, to reward it and cherish it. As we've seen just about everywhere there's been growth lately, that's where the good stuff happens."


Read the entire post on sheepwalking here. And check out Godin's book Tribes. It kind of made me feel the way I used to in college - like I really could be successful and do something I love...

why Adrian Beltre is on the DL .... again ...

Beltre was placed on the 15-day disabled list Thursday with an injured testicle, the Associated Press reports.

Spin: Guys, you might not want to read the details on this one. Beltre took a one-hopper to the groin area in the ninth inning Wednesday, yet managed to play out the remainder of the 14-inning game. However, he may now need surgery due to bleeding in the testicle, which would put him out indefinitely.

yeesh, sorry guy.

heard it babysitting

"wanna see what i made?"

shows me this little fish tank with plastic fish inside.

"those are REAL fake fish."

:)

funny looking animal of the week!

Bills lose first preseason matchup, look sharp.

Last night the Buffalo Bills took the field for their first preseason game of the year! And boy, did they not do well. Granted, your starters are only in there for 2 or 3 possessions, but in that time we managed to let the Titans score on a FAKE PUNT and throw an interception.

But the Buffalo News did highlight the silver lining of the outing nicely:

On the positive side, Terrell Owens caught two passes for 27 yards in a nine-play debut for the Bills, no Bills starting players sustained any injuries and the Bills' white throwback jerseys looked sharp.

I agree with the showing from TO being a good thing, it was nice to see him out there gettin' things done. But if the only bright side of our preseason game is the fact that we looked good in our uniforms, then I'm a little worried about this season. I mean, we can't wear those throwbacks every week. What will the redeeming quality of all our other losses be?

I guess I shouldn't be too worried. Because really, you can't really predict too much about a season from preseason game number one. Thank goodness.

And the Bills are going to the Super Bowl!

the Dr. Seuss you may not know...

Have you ever seen a Dr. Seuss art exhibit? They are pretty amazing - animations of wonderful creatures from his books, other illustrations you wouldn't think Dr. Seuss would do, and then these:








They are pretty wonderful I think. Enjoy.

security via Segue.

The security guard in front of our office rides a Segue. He wears a Security Guard outfit, military boots, and a bike helmet. Why does he need a Segue? It doesn’t really make him more intimidating, and the helmet must be annoying to wear all day. And let’s say someone is causing a ruckus and the security guard needs to step in. The amount of space he needs to cover is one block. That means even if he’s standing on one end of the block, and a ruckus starts to occur at the other end of the block, the amount of time it would take him to Segue over there isn’t significantly faster than how long it would take him to run. Especially since he would have to weave his Segue through all the pedestrians walking on the sidewalk.

I think he really wanted the Segue because his job was boring. Now instead of just standing outside all day, he gets to ride around on a Segue all day. And get paid for it. What the heck am I doing all the way up here on the 36th floor? I could totally be riding a Segue around in the sun and be getting paid for it.

And now for your pleasure, a Debbie Downer rant.

Wahhh wahhhh.

Today’s subject: Women who don’t know how to behave in the gym locker room.

Today in the locker room after my work out the ONE OTHER WOMAN in the room chose to use the locker directly next to me, both limiting my space and making me uncomfortable once she sat down on the bench and began eating some fruit out of a small Tupperware container as I dried off from my shower and changed. It was like she was at the movies, only instead of popcorn she had fruit, and instead of watching trailers she was getting a nice look at my rack. I wanted to say something to her, but she’s not the only guilty one.

Almost every day at the gym, these women are there. These women who for some reason like to hang out in the locker room. Most of the time the culprits are held up by some really, really important cell phone conversation. Like the day one woman, we’ll call her “Sally,” was sitting on a bench in the locker room talking on her phone when I arrived to work out. I changed, worked out, showered, changed back into my clothes and left the gym as Sally carried on her conversation. Sally, come on! If you have such an important, long telephone conversation, why do you want to do it in a room full of naked, sweaty women (and note to all the men reading this, I don’t think Sally was there for the show).

But Sally’s not the only one. So many people talk on their cell phones in the locker room it’s like a big phone booth. I get it if you’re saying “oh, well I just got to the gym, bye luv yaaazzzz” but if you’re having a 15 minute conversation, you should take it elsewhere, ladies.

Here are some simple rules about locker room etiquette:

1. If you know you are going to be on a long telephone call, don’t go to the gym. There are far better places to have a business or personal conversation than in the middle of a locker room – and it can’t be comfortable to sit on those benches for a long time.

2. If you think you’re going to need to eat something – do it before you’re in the locker room.

3. If you want to walk around naked, GO FOR IT GIRL. I just won’t be joining you.

4. If you are one of the only people in the locker room, choose a locker that doesn’t border one of the ones already being used.


I think if people follow these little tips, it will make for a much better changing experience for everyone involved.

up up and away!

via flickr

funny looking animal of the week!

Superbowls, guns, and sweatpants. Oh my.

Former Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress has been indicted on weapons charges that stemmed from the night he shot himself in the leg last year. Everything is looking down for Plax now. I mean at one point he caught the winning touchdown in a Super Bowl. Now he probably would trade that in for a Scott Norwood “Wide Right” than have to live with his current situation (well…maybe not quite).

Let’s take a look at all the things gone wrong in Plax’s life:

• Facing up to 3.5 years in jail
  
• Trading in a Giants jersey for a prison uni
  
• He shot himself in the leg
  
• He may go to jail for shooting himself in the leg
  

Let’s take a look at the reasons things have gone wrong:
Reason #3: he had a gun on him when he shouldn’t have.
Reason #2: he tucked said gun into his sweatpants.
Reason #1: he wore sweatpants to a club. Come on, Plax! Show some self respect. We know you can afford at least jeans.

Moral:
If carrying a gun in a club, do not rely on the elastic band of your sweatpants to keep it concealed.